Traffic Jam

Everything was in a steady pace, red means STOP and green means GO. No thought will overtake the other and collision is unlikely to happen. All vessels are alert on crossroads, following traffic lights and acknowledging the sign boards. Plans were taken into action after the other; no last minute rush and details were carried in an organized pattern. Each day was exhausted in variety and I was contented. I was contented with everything in a steady pace.

It all came very unexpected, but with a timing that was unintentionally designed to be breathtaking. To cut it short, unrealizing that the red traffic light was On, in full speed I crashed into this stranger. And just like the domino effect all the walls that I have built in years bit-by-bit reached its bitter-sweet destruction.

Initially, the intention was to just to have fun and create lasting memories with these welcoming faces I came to know for the first time. Indeed we bonded well and proclaimed ourselves friends by the end of the day. And it was this stranger -most distant amongst the group, the least that I had noticed and spoken to- that man came to be a thief in the night as the cliché goes. With a fearless hand he grabbed my chess, penetrated it and pulled my heart into both of his hands. I was hyperventilating, grasping myself to breath. And is even eager to get my heart and fight back. But it was too late. Before I can even do anything, my system just suddenly went into an unfamiliar order and it somehow did felt wonderful. In a flash, red was green and it meant GO.

As said, no one planned for it but the timing was so right. I was off guard, mesmerized by the view of this most romantic place of which I came to visit for the first time. For the purpose of joining this peers I had open myself up to easily blend in with them. No malice, consciousness, suspicions or what so ever that in a second all that was planned, calculated and measured can be easily altered in a split of seconds.

Everything now is like a maze. Blindfoldedly, I drive my way around these loops not even bothered if I will find my way out; turning LEFT even if the sign boards say NO and finding laughter in hitting all the streetlights that lit the road. All vessels run carelessly, unafraid of bumping one another. The rush-hour adrenaline keeps on palpitating in everyone’s veins, no order or pattern that they are to follow. This traffic jam caused by this stranger gave life to this vintage system. A slight chaos is sometimes healthy. Without combustion on a car’s engine it will not run smoothly and freely.

 I do admit, I always try getting out. Though I am stuck in this maze I know where is the way out, back to being-in-control to the order-in-the-system. But it is this traffic jam that is keeping me in. Thoughts keep on clashing one another; my means of thinking gets to be run-over.  And worst, I am enjoying it, every single detail of predictable pain, failure and heartache. I believe in myself for I’ve been through the worst. I’ll still live after this traffic jam of the hearts and mind. Though as expected I’ll fall face-flat on the floor with wounded knees I’ll stand proud for I know I was brave enough to live life with no hesitations.